I’ve opened up about this before, but because it’s ongoing for me, it’s a topic I’m choosing to resurface…
My absolute biggest struggle in life is answering “yes” to this question:
Am I Enough?
It wasn’t until about a year ago that I realized this was the root cause of so much insecurity, frustration, and negativity I was dealing with.
It’s a regular thing for me to feel less than enough, and these sorts of thoughts run through my head nearly every day…
I didn’t run enough…I could have done at least another mile or two…
Did I eat well enough today?
I missed my Bible reading for the day… *guilt*
Does my husband find me attractive enough?! (lead-in to that first thought)
Sure I studied for a few hours this afternoon, but I could’ve done more…
She eats that and looks like that, I probably should too if I want to feel as confident…
I’m not smart enough to ever be as successful as him/her…
I gave her advice, but was it enough? Did I say the “right” things? I should have said more…
Do you see what I mean?! I start thinking these things without even meaning, too…
Can you relate? Or do you have thoughts like this cross your mind, too?
Since discovering that this is my obstacle to overcome, I’ve found ways to either a) avoid these thoughts or, most commonly, b) ignore these thoughts/change them into positive ones.
What’s really important is that I live the life that’s right for me – not a life I “should” live or the life I’m “supposed to” live.
I frequently remind myself of this quote:
In my Bible Study this past week, the topic was “The Storm of Doubt and Unbelief.” The presenter spoke on the fact that we’re all unconditionally loved by God and that we’re always “enough” for Him – and then in our group discussion later on, I ignored the fear in my mind and shared about my struggle with this.
I shared that I’m learning that while it’s important to do my best in life, of course, I can’t continually beat myself up about not meeting the ridiculous expectations I set for myself. Did you catch that? I said the expectations that I set for myself. No one else is putting this pressure on me, it’s me. I allow it to happen. Therefore, it’s up to me to change.
After small group ended, one of my group leaders came up to me and said something along the lines of, “You’re already clean! Because of what He’s done for you, you already have all you need – you are enough!” And that’s when I cried and hugged her…it was the absolute most perfect thing I needed to hear after opening up about such a deep and personal struggle.
And so, in this ever ongoing pursuit to live a life in which
I love myself for who I am,
find happiness and contentment regardless of circumstance,
and care for the person I’m made to be,
I pray about it and work hard at it every. single. day.
Life isn’t meant to be perfect – in fact, it’s arguably supposed to be hard. But, with the right mindset, I believe I can overcome the evil that makes me feel not good enough. I believe that if I continue to work on this, I’ll only get better a loving myself for all that I am.
And when those challenging days arrive and all else fails, I literally say this out loud to myself (and I’d encourage you to do the same)…
I have a long journey ahead of me, but I make a little progress every day, and I’m proud of how far I’ve come.